a few years ago i was visiting a friend, nick tawa, at his house in cerritos. being the good friends that we are, the conversation carried on for hours until we finally moved out to the driveway as i prepared to leave. i was finishing a great monologue, a brilliant soliloquy if i do say so myself, when i happened to slip the word damn in there. now i had been roadtesting the word for a little while, part of my new badboy-disillusioned-postgrad persona, and found a few choice words placed intermittenly in conversation could really capture my critical stance of our failing world. no sooner had the word left my lips than nick, becoming serious, turned to me and said, “bro, when did you start using that word?”

“what word?”

“damn.”

“uh, i dont know… recently.”

“dude, i dont like it and its just not you.”

hmmm. i walked away feeling a little raw and even a bit angry… who is nick to tell me that?! i can use damn if i want–why would he say that?! as i drove home to san diego i had plenty of time to think and chew, and roughly around capistrano something inside just clicked and a huge smile busted out on my face. dang, nick is a great friend to say that even knowing it could be rough on our friendship. i spent the rest of the drive wondering if i would have done the same thing. wondering why i am not the kind of person who people can count on to shoot straight with them.

actually, i have been in countless situations–a piece of lettuce in the teeth, speghetti sauce on the cheek, an awkward comment made, passive-aggresive comments being slung back and forth–and wondered… should i say something? should i just ignore it? wouldn’t it be awkward to point it out, or to bring it up? if i say something would i be publicly shaming them or pulling their crap to the surface when they don’t want it there?

well, in the past two years since this interaction with nick i have thought a ton about the kind of person and friend i want to be. i have started growing in the ways i see conflict and in my understanding of how i am constantly facing the decision to be comfortable or to have integrity in how i approach these types of situations. finally, i had a breakthrough a month or so ago in my thought process (thanks to marcus lee)… often times if there is going to be a problem in speaking into difficult/awkward situations, it will not be in what i am saying as much as how i say it. i hope to never regret the things i am bringing into the open (“you have something in your teeth”) as much as i will need to apologize for how i said it (“i am sorry the way i brought that up made it look like i was making fun of you in front of others”).

i guess what i am saying is i want to be known for being straight, for having integrity, for being someone you can trust when you have a question or are unsure. i want to settle arguments by the way i call out unhealthy communication. i want to have harmonious relationships because i am diligent in apologizing and speaking what i see.

so you can hold me to it. in fact, shoot straight with me.